All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
