Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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