absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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