Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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