Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
