I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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