he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
