booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
