She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am spending my child support on dildos
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
