Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
