So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
