it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
