A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
