Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
