Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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