sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
