Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
