You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
