To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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