Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They are going to name an STD after you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
