Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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