chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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