can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
