One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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