That's intense
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
