I seem to have left my pride at pride
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
