I wish I only lived at night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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