Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
