ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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