I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
