I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
