When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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