I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
