seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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