I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize