We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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