She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize