I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize