The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
