his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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