you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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