Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
