The maid of honor just puked.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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