well you can't waste a boner
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
