Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
