No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
