I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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