is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
