If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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