I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
