My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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