what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Randomize
