Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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