My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
