Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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