Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
