She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
