I hate all girls vehemently.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sext me about skeletons
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
