he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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