I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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