So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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