Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
