dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
