if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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