She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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