she smelled like a LAN party
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
