Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
