my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
