A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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