She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
