we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
