he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
