dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm like, not good at living.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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