do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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