I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
