I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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