First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
