Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
