I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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